Beautifully Painful

My "youth group" but they are so much more than that to me

Knowing that I am returning home in a short 12 days isn't something as simple as bittersweet. It's not just wanting to be here, and wanting to be home. It's not just having family here, and having family there. It goes so much deeper than this. Following God is hard. Bottom line. He never promised it would be easy, and the longer I follow him and the more I love him, the more I find this out.

My family :)

Back in August when I was raising money, packing my bags, and saying one hundred goodbyes, my heart hurt. Being sixteen and moving to Mexico, I was scared to death. Having to say goodbye one at a time to everyone I call my family, seeing the sadness in their eyes, it broke me. Not for my sake of leaving, but for everyone I was leaving behind. Knowing that God had called me to Mexico for the three months ahead, I was able to step on that airplane and fly 2000 miles away. It was beautifully painful.

My friends here- but we are more like sisters

While I have lived here, I have experienced everything from indescribable joy, to unspeakable sorrow. The times spent in grueling lessons, the aggravating times in English class, and the laughs in spontaneous games of water fights. The discouraging feelings of being wordless; having to watch others be joyous in conversation while sitting back and being silent. The ever so wonderful times of true friendship, movie nights, and the drive to church. The times sitting at the piano- new souls met, fingers danced, tears fell, laughs made, conversations conversed, frustrations played, and talents found. Every cry to God, every smile creased, and every step taken has been beautifully painful.

Now, looking at my last week and a half here is hard. I've known this whole time that it would have to come to an end- but I didn't think it would come this fast. I'm feeling the same thing that I felt in August, except this time, I don't know if I will ever be back here. Knowing I'll have to say goodbye very soon is scary, it hurts. At the same time though, I look forward to what God holds for me back at home. I look forward to being reunited with my family and friends. I look forward to school, and college, and beyond. It's not that I don't want to leave, I just don't want to say goodbye. It's beautifully painful.

While I'm Waiting

I feel like I'm sitting on a roller coaster. Waving at all the people standing by. I feel like I'm the only one in the whole train. Just nervously waiting that countdown. I know whats coming, I know how fast it's coming, and I know that the take of is the hardest part. Yet here I sit, in control of nothing. Just waiting. Saying goodbye as my insides turn about recklessly.

"I will serve you while I'm waiting.
I will worship while I'm waiting
I'm waiting on you Lord"
~John Waller

Sunbeam

I am back home. Hundreds of miles away, lays a piece of land that I now know. The people there are amazing, their stories, their hearts, and their families. Knowing that I may or may not go to this place again, is frightening. Two weeks ago I was thrown into a completely different lifestyle, new language, and new people. It was definitely culture shock, but it only took me a couple of hours to throw myself into Gods work that is taking place at Refuge Ranch. Saying adios and goodbye to everyone on Thursday was emotional and difficult for all of us. God's presence was definitely felt. God is the one who put the want in my heart two years ago, and He is the one that brought the plans, money, and safety on the trip. God was also the one taking me home. Home to serve others, grow in Him, and prepare again to depart. As soon as we were picked up from the airport, culture shock hit again. Harder. It is now Saturday afternoon, and I'm still trying to get used to my life here in the United States.

God taught me so many things while I was away. One being that everyday, God wants to use us. He wants our abilities, not only to serve others, but to truly glorify Him. Through love and words, He wants us to spread the gospel, everywhere. At home, at school, at play- a sunbeam for Him.

Blogging has become something I enjoy, and writing brings joy and relaxation to me. Several people have asked if I will continue my blog after my trip: yes, definitely. Please continue to check back here every once in a while and pray for me.

Sunday November 27 I will be presenting a slide show with more details of my trip. I invite all of you to come to my home Church and see all what the Lord is doing there at Refuge Ranch.

Questions, comments, concerns,

Complements, or good jokes, Facebook me ;)

Homeward bound

Just a few more hours, and I'll be homeward bound. It doesn't seem possible that 12 days has already gone by. These days here in Mexico were such a blessing to me as I worked, watched and played with the children. Seeing a new culture, land, and people for the first time really opened my eyes to the world around me. Wanting to spend every last minute here, this post will be short. But I wanted to let everyone know that I will be back tonight, and can't wait to see everyone!