Surprise Number One

How is it that I am sitting here, only two and a half months into 2015, watching the past six years collide into a seamless reality right in front of me? Well, I'm not sure that there is a different answer to that question other than by the grace of God. You see, my sights have been set on a specific place now for a long while. For those of you that know me, you may be thinking that this place is Mexico. Contrarily, it is not. Mexico is indeed near and very dear to my heart, but that love has grown out of my long-held dreams for this other destination. It is almost comical, really, when I think about it. How a thirteen year old wide-eyed wonder was enamored and completely surrendered at the viewing of one missionary-based movie still baffles me. She didn't know pain, or passion. She didn't know suffering, loss, confusion and loneliness. She didn't know compassion, or love. Yet, she committed herself to the unknown. A commitment that would take her to the depths of her being, and a commitment that would see her to the peaks of mountains. It was her guide for every decision; if it didn't help her get there sooner, then it could be easily forgotten. But as the years ensued, she realized that "there" wasn't exactly where she originally thought it was. Not that a land mass spontaneously relocated or that she relinquished any part of her commitment, but that "there" was deeper than a soil. "There" wasn't rooted in a ground nor did it blow through an air. "There" was rooted in hearts and blew through its whispers.

"There" is God's love calling out for his people.
"There" is the place where redemption is found.
"There" is the Cross, the Christ, and the Christ-followers.

And everyday, Christ beckons me There, right in my own home, to that same commitment of surrender to Him. He invites me and brings me to His heart; he whispers, I love you. This is where There begins. And when I have swallowed His Words and absorbed his unfathomable grace, that is the moment when I am compelled to go forth into the world. "Like sheep among wolves" Jesus said, "you will go forth and preach my message to the lost. Take care of the widows and orphans, the sick and the tired. Make disciples of all nations. Never forget that I am with you always, to even the end of the age."** Now, now is the moment my Father God calls me There. Out There. 

I'm going to Ecuador.

The plane ticket is finally bought for the place that called my name so long ago. Having now the understanding of what There means, I see God's perfect timing in this ministry endeavor. And I can confidently go as a "sent-out one" and join in the work that God is already doing in Ecuador.


**Taken from Matthew 10, Matthew 28, James 1:27




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Refuge Ranch 2014- CHANGE

Change. 

What a full word that can be...

Recently, I returned to one of my favorite places: Refuge Ranch. A beautiful, dear home set in the mountains of a small town in Mexico. For this third trip, I had the joy of joining with a group of nine other brothers and sisters in Christ to serve together at the Ranch. 

How did this trip differ from the other two? Simply because of the friendships the were formed between the members of the group in such a short amount of time. To see the way that God worked through each of our individual talents, then unified us to allow tedious tasks to be completed, was awe-striking. It was something I had never experienced before. 

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

What has changed since the last time I was there? Definitely growth. Not only in the flowers and trees, but the children are growing bigger. Their faces are maturing, hearts softening, and their roots are deepening. Two of the children that were in my English class in 2012 came up to me and saying all of their new English vocabulary words! They were speaking sentences, not only sentences, but were showing confidence in their ability to speak English. Compared to when they would hardly speak to me in Spanish before. 

Talking about Spanish... God abundantly blessed me with recall of the Spanish I learned in previous years. That transparent wall that separated me so sharply before was finally shattered. I held conversations, I taught, I laughed, and I understood all in Spanish. This language that was once foreign to me is slowly becoming homely and normal. Even now, after I have returned to my life in the States. 

Change... what else has changed? 

There is a looming emptiness that feels like hope. There is a constant reminder of reality that constantly reminds us of redemption. After making a visit to the cemetery at the bottom of the mountain, these words flowed. Whether they make since to you, the reader, or not, I wish to share them. Just to give a glimpse into an effect of change... 

But what has change brought?
It has brought others to Christ. Changes have changed lives. It has strengthened in the nights and bought hope every morning. Change has brought hope, and hope has pointed over and over again to Christ. We are just passing through this land, to know that our eternity is still ahead is the hope that we all cling too.

What change did our group make in our time at the Ranch?

Cleaned the music shelves and organized the sheet music binders!

Sorted the bookshelves! 

Helped pour the foundation for the new house!

Alphabetized medicines for the medicals crusades!   

And I, once again, was able to teach and work in school. Studying practice tests with the students, giving spelling tests, practicing flash cards, and giving English lessons were a few things that occupied my time in the schoolhouse.

Change was also made when we had a ladies' night and served the seven ladies that are full-time staff. We mimicked that act of Jesus when he washed the disciples feet by painting their nails and giving them manicures. Afterwards we had a time of testimony and prayed with each other. It was truly a time of blessing and encouragement, not only to the staff, but also to the team. 

After 10 days of serving, cleaning, organizing, teaching, playing, befriending, speaking a foreign language, and living in a foreign community, the time came to return to our own homes back in the States. Each member came from a different walk of life, and each member brought a uniqueness to the group. I believe that the Zaragoza family was blessed by our visit, and I know that our group was changed by our time there.

So... How was I changed?

I was able to see change from an outside perspective.

One of the major projects was to clean out the warehouse. Everything you see in this picture was piled in back of the warehouse. By cleaning it out, we sorted the good, the bad, and the expired. Then by sweeping and making new shelves, we returned the good.

But when everything was exposed, it made an ugly mess, and it was vulnerable. Being the rainy season, we were worried about rain, so we wanted to make a covering for all of it. Finding a holey tarp, some people spent a large amount of time using duct tape to repair it, and even more time trying to string it above the large pile. Only to find that when the rains came, that tarp was just slightly short of successful.

A lot of times, when change happens, issues of the heart are exposed. God sometimes uses new seasons, or new situations to 'clean out' our hearts. Those issues are brought to light and may become vulnerable.

We don't like to be vulnerable.

We don't like to be exposed.

We become fearful of storms ahead, so we use holey, duct taped-repaired tarps to make a covering. But what if God wants to use those storms to cleanse us? What if we let those storms rid us of what is bad and expired, and see what is strong enough to endure the storms? What if we trust God through the vulnerability?

Take the time to read 2 Corinthians 4:

4 Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

11 For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;

14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

The Power of God- Through Teaching and Through Friendships

I am beginning to understand that I am here to teach more than piano. Some lessons are so difficult. I think mainly because a few of the kids would rather be playing Wii, or playing outside rather than playing piano. This brings out bad attitudes. And when the students begins to pout, or doesn't even try to do what we are working on, no progress can be make. There is no use on forcing them to do it, because there is no want to learn. No one is going to learn anything unless they have a want to learn it, and they certainly are not going to retain it, unless there is a want. Now, a want doesn't have to be exactly a want to learn piano, it simply needs to be a want to accomplish a task that has been placed in front of them. A want to do what they're told (for none of them have the option to learn piano, by Julie, all of them take lessons), and a want to do something well- whether they like it or not. Life is full of these tasks. When the students begins to show disregard for piano, that's when I completely stop teaching piano. And that's when I start teaching whatever God lays on my heart in that second. It may be diligence, perseverance, work ethic, obedience, you name, I've probably covered it! I'll be honest, these lessons can be brutally painful. I think I've had a lesson go for close to an hour and a half which a normal lesson is 30 minutes. But! God has given me much patience! I thank and praise Him, whether my lessons are getting to the kids or not. I was almost going to type "and don't get me wrong, the good lessons far out weigh the bad." But than I thought about that, and it contradicts everything I just said. All of my lessons are good, and for the glory of God. Whether my student is playing beautiful minuets or just sitting and waiting for me to give in, I preserver and pray God would use even just one thing from that lesson to impact their lives.

Being a missionary here, and living 24/7 with two other missionary women, there is a bond that connects all three of us. Sometimes, a day will be just too much, not for any particular reason, and one of us will brake down. We can't explain it, we don't know if it was the hard class we had to teach, if it was feelings of homesickness, if it is the stress of having multiple things to accomplish everyday, if it was seeing all the brokenness on the side of the streets, it could even be joy or happiness we don't know. But everything just hits and collides at once. Creating unstoppable tears. And even when the weeping young woman of God doesn't understand, the other two still do. It's like, we are all here together, we can't explain what we are going through or what we are learning separately, but we still get each other. It's an understanding and friendship only God can give. Thank you Lord, for these missionary sisters.

This week, we were blessed to have two of Vicky's friends come and serve for a week. They both shared our room, so all five of us were a little cramped in here. But it gave us joyous times as we got to know each other by talking and laughing in the evenings. Laiza and Jackie spent their week here helping in the school, playing with the kids, teaching guitar lessons, and helping with chores. Then to top off the week, they prepared a theatrical with the kids! Friday night they preformed "Abraham." They made costumes, and entire set with curtains and props, a dialog and acting! It was so fun to watch the children, and I believe they had fun as well. Sadly, we had to say goodbye to our two knew friends today, as they had to return to their Seminary school here in Mexico. It was fun getting to know them, and Jackie gave me hope and encouragement of learning Spanish. She is originally from Mexico, but has lived in the States for two years, and so she has learned English. She speaks it so well! It gives me hope to someday speak Spanish they way she speaks English.

Here are some pictures of my Missionary Sisters and our two new friends! Enjoy!

 Vicky and I. Vicky is a seminary student that is completing her course by serving here for a year. She is such a blessing to have in my life. She only speaks Spanish, so that is a barrier for our friendship, but we find many other ways to communicate. And, I am getting better at speaking/understanding Spanish.

A picture from recess. Back row: Mireya, Mikayla, Angie, Caleb, Vicky. Front row: Ruth, Dani, Carolina, David. Mireya is our head teacher in the school. She is so sweet, I enjoy her friendship. She willingly helps me with Spanish, anytime she sees me studying, she will come over an help me, no matter what she was previously doing. She is Godly and wants to serve. Her and her son, Joel, come three times a week to teach school and Joel comes to attend school. On Fridays, her other son, Jorge, comes to study as well.

  

These were our two guests this week! Laiza and Jackie. I thoroughly enjoyed having them around and will greatly miss them.

Mikayla and I :)

Whispers from God

Sometimes, like now, it feels as though I'm in a movie. I'm sitting in the kitchen feeling the cool breeze coming through the always opened doors, out the window I see rolling hills, and I hear a strange language coming out of the darkened people. As we drive in the crowded van to and from various places, I see busy streets, lots of taco restaurants, and broken homes. And that's when I realize this not a movie, this is not a dream, this is reality. I am actually living in Mexico, the place I'm calling "home" (in quotation due to the fact that I only consider one place my home) during these weeks, is on a mountainside, closer to Brazil than to my home.  And I have the opportunity to touch the results of broken homes. God has given me 18 sets of dusted fingers to teach music to, and four little minds to teach English to. What is this family going to remember when my time here is over? I want to accomplish everything God has for me here at this time, without worrying about the future, or what happens when I return home.
Being here "on my own" for this time as got me thinking that I'm growing up. I know, I know, I'm sixteen, and I have plenty of time to "grow up." But there's certain things that I can not control when they decided to mature. Like my heart, mind, and soul, when God teaches them, I can't just ignore Him and say "Sorry, God, I'm to young to grow up!" . College, ministry, school, music, all take up my extra thoughts, and it is scary knowing that I'm going to have to face these decisions one by one when I return home.The days of my youth are passing, but I thank my Lord that I will ever be able to entertain the spirit of my youth I can't say it enough, God is good. Even 1,800 miles away, God still uses my Pastor's messages to speak on what I need to hear. My Church family is always ready to listen and help, my family is on the other end of the phone, and God is just a whisper away.

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement, you'll never know how much it means to me.

Some pictures from this week:

Being a missionary is hard.

There are all these children looking up at me and observing my life every day, I'm trying to learn how to teach piano in Spanish, I'm trying to learn how to just speak Spanish, and keeping up on my own school studies. Missing my family and friends, and upholding friendships with everyone here. Cheese that tastes funny, clothes that always feel damp, and cold showers. And on top of all this, God is working quite diligently on my own heart and life.

But you know what?

If God hand picked me to serve here, then these are not complaints, but praises. If this is all that I have to "suffer" then so be it! God gives strength daily, so I don't have to be worried about being "able." Stephen was stoned, the Apostles (among many others) were executed, John Bunyan was sentenced to prison, John Elliot was speared, all this for something called the Gospel. And the whole time they were being persecuted, they were praising God that he thought them worthy to suffer such things.

"God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called" ~Unknown

"If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11

I'm finding out, that even though at times it is hard to serve here, all the little "sufferings" are completely worth it. Every time that I say the wrong thing in Spanish all the kids laugh and laugh, they think it's so funny. That's okay though because it allows me to laugh with them. God is good, and he takes care of his people.

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:16-18

Music

First full week of piano lessons went exceptionally well! I love each of my new students and I look forward to teaching them and becoming closer friends with them. Each one is unique, and has a special talent that I want to uncover and bring out. Not all of them love piano lessons, actually it bores several of them, but, I have seen in each of them an attraction to music and it's language. Whether it be piano, guitar, vocal, or violin, there's something in each of them that longs to make music. They are all so worshipful as well, at church, or at home whenever worshiping, there is such heart behind each voice. Even the littlest, David, sings with a full voice, claps his hands, and sways with the music, he is such a joy to be around. Music is amazing, it has a language all in itself. And whether you speak the same language or not, you can be deeply connected through the language of Music. Anything can be communicated through music, happiness, love, anger, peace, and they that know music, they understand it.
Language and communication is so complex. I am so glad that I have this language to communicate through, lest I go completely crazy not being able to say all I want to say in Spanish. It is so enjoyable working with the children that are bilingual. I love their accents when they speak English, and just as they help me with Spanish, I help them with their pronunciation in English. Here is a funny story I think you all will enjoy:
I was playing a game of Risk with Josiah (who is bilingual), Fidel (who is not), Mikayla (who is almost), and myself (who is trying). Josiah kept going back and forth between languages, to make sure everyone playing was on the same page. Then the game got a bit competitive, and we started to throw "playful bashes" at each other. i.e. "You better get used to losing" and so on. Well Josiah meant to say "What do you think you are, girl?" but it came out "What girl think you is?" It was hilarious, I think we all laughed for five minutes straight. It's amazing how much the brain can handle, most of the little ones can understand English, even though they don't speak it. Working twice a week with the kindergartners is really showing me how much they already know of English, they just need the practice now to speak it.

A Heart Like Theirs

I was reading about Paul and Silas in Acts 16, about when they were beaten, thrown in prison, and held in shackles, but still praised their Lord that they were worthy of such treatment! The condition of their heart amazed me. Thinking back, I get annoyed, upset or angry at such little things, and now, seeing the example of these two followers, I see that what is in the heart, is that which will come out.

Paul and Silas set out from the beginning with the right kind of heart. Ready to worship and praise God in good times, and in bad. They knew that they would get rejected, hated, and tormented, but they still followed God with their whole hearts. God not only brought them through, but led them to minister to the jail keeper. He was saved along with his whole household! This brings me to another conclusion: God knows everything. He knows what he is doing, and how he's going to do it.

We all have learned this in Sunday School. But to really think about it, and then act on it. To put all of my trust and hope in God, all of it, not withholding anything, takes a lot of courage. And the funny thing to me, is that courage comes from God! So we need God, to need God.

All of this, and yet, so much more to learn. Oh to have a heart like theirs.

Here are a few pics of this week:

Joan and Tom organizing school ciriculum

 The growing palm tree under their porch

 Refuge Ranch!

 One of the many games of Risk this week

 A huge thunder storm came through last night. I loved every minute of it. Althoug, quite upset, I was standing out side taking this picture, and I missed a picture opportunity of a lighten bolt three times!

 Before...

 After!

 "Praise ye the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul"

Song of the Land

My soul shall never be satisfied. The beauty that is before me creates a yearning in mine heart for the heart of it's creator. Not only does the beauty touch my eyes, it sings, it sings to my ears; the song of the land.

The gentle winds whispers He loves us. The rolling hills yell that He is God, the suns warmth screams He is Most High and the sounds of children's laughter chants He is creator. The trees dance, the rocks crumble, and the flowers open in worship of His name. The brilliant blue skies carry out the rhythm, and the thick white clouds pound the beat, the beat of this land's song

The mountains rise up, yea they rise above all else. So powerful and mighty are they, yet their staff is silence. They do not chant, whisper, or tell; neither do they scream or yell. For they are silent. The Creator has wrapped His heart around these mountains, that all may feel the majesty, the majesty of this lands song.