Refuge Ranch 2014- CHANGE

Change. 

What a full word that can be...

Recently, I returned to one of my favorite places: Refuge Ranch. A beautiful, dear home set in the mountains of a small town in Mexico. For this third trip, I had the joy of joining with a group of nine other brothers and sisters in Christ to serve together at the Ranch. 

How did this trip differ from the other two? Simply because of the friendships the were formed between the members of the group in such a short amount of time. To see the way that God worked through each of our individual talents, then unified us to allow tedious tasks to be completed, was awe-striking. It was something I had never experienced before. 

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

What has changed since the last time I was there? Definitely growth. Not only in the flowers and trees, but the children are growing bigger. Their faces are maturing, hearts softening, and their roots are deepening. Two of the children that were in my English class in 2012 came up to me and saying all of their new English vocabulary words! They were speaking sentences, not only sentences, but were showing confidence in their ability to speak English. Compared to when they would hardly speak to me in Spanish before. 

Talking about Spanish... God abundantly blessed me with recall of the Spanish I learned in previous years. That transparent wall that separated me so sharply before was finally shattered. I held conversations, I taught, I laughed, and I understood all in Spanish. This language that was once foreign to me is slowly becoming homely and normal. Even now, after I have returned to my life in the States. 

Change... what else has changed? 

There is a looming emptiness that feels like hope. There is a constant reminder of reality that constantly reminds us of redemption. After making a visit to the cemetery at the bottom of the mountain, these words flowed. Whether they make since to you, the reader, or not, I wish to share them. Just to give a glimpse into an effect of change... 

But what has change brought?
It has brought others to Christ. Changes have changed lives. It has strengthened in the nights and bought hope every morning. Change has brought hope, and hope has pointed over and over again to Christ. We are just passing through this land, to know that our eternity is still ahead is the hope that we all cling too.

What change did our group make in our time at the Ranch?

Cleaned the music shelves and organized the sheet music binders!

Sorted the bookshelves! 

Helped pour the foundation for the new house!

Alphabetized medicines for the medicals crusades!   

And I, once again, was able to teach and work in school. Studying practice tests with the students, giving spelling tests, practicing flash cards, and giving English lessons were a few things that occupied my time in the schoolhouse.

Change was also made when we had a ladies' night and served the seven ladies that are full-time staff. We mimicked that act of Jesus when he washed the disciples feet by painting their nails and giving them manicures. Afterwards we had a time of testimony and prayed with each other. It was truly a time of blessing and encouragement, not only to the staff, but also to the team. 

After 10 days of serving, cleaning, organizing, teaching, playing, befriending, speaking a foreign language, and living in a foreign community, the time came to return to our own homes back in the States. Each member came from a different walk of life, and each member brought a uniqueness to the group. I believe that the Zaragoza family was blessed by our visit, and I know that our group was changed by our time there.

So... How was I changed?

I was able to see change from an outside perspective.

One of the major projects was to clean out the warehouse. Everything you see in this picture was piled in back of the warehouse. By cleaning it out, we sorted the good, the bad, and the expired. Then by sweeping and making new shelves, we returned the good.

But when everything was exposed, it made an ugly mess, and it was vulnerable. Being the rainy season, we were worried about rain, so we wanted to make a covering for all of it. Finding a holey tarp, some people spent a large amount of time using duct tape to repair it, and even more time trying to string it above the large pile. Only to find that when the rains came, that tarp was just slightly short of successful.

A lot of times, when change happens, issues of the heart are exposed. God sometimes uses new seasons, or new situations to 'clean out' our hearts. Those issues are brought to light and may become vulnerable.

We don't like to be vulnerable.

We don't like to be exposed.

We become fearful of storms ahead, so we use holey, duct taped-repaired tarps to make a covering. But what if God wants to use those storms to cleanse us? What if we let those storms rid us of what is bad and expired, and see what is strong enough to endure the storms? What if we trust God through the vulnerability?

Take the time to read 2 Corinthians 4:

4 Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

11 For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;

14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

"You Smell Like Mexico"

November fifteenth came all too quickly. I couldn't believe that three months had already come and gone, and I found myself sitting on the plane longing to be in two places at once. But I was zooming at five hundred miles an hour towards home, I was literally being thrown into America. Entering Chicago was the strangest feeling, everyone was white. Every sound, word, and letter was English. Every smell was so strong and overpowering- even though each one was familiar and known to me. The food was so different, it honestly tasted gross, even though I had been eating the same thing my whole life. I finally understood what a friend meant when he said "English when spoken feels like vomiting." After spending three months completely immersed in Spanish, English was just short of pleasant. Sitting in the Chicago airport for the two hour layover was probably the hardest part of the trip. I believe all of this is something called culture shock. It very much exists and is one of the most difficult things I have done in my life.

I arrived home at about 1:30 in the morning tired and worn, but stronger, and in my family's arms at last. My little sisters looked so big and grown up, just seeing them showed me how long I had really been gone. Up to this day (about 10 days later) it is still hard to be separated from my family in Mexico. Whenever I look at the clock, not only am I looking to see what time it is, but looking to see what everyone at the Ranch is doing. Are they just getting up? Are they singing the daily worship song all together? Are they stacked up on the slide listening to Julie read during recess? Are they counting up their points they earned that week to shop at their "store"? Is Mireya, Jorge, and Joel there? What are they doing? Adrian and Vero? Rosa? Being completely detached from the day to day life there is difficult. But it has surprised me how fast I have been able to return to my former routines and life in the States. Some things here have been really difficult to get used to again, but for the most part God has given me a smooth transition. I feel changed though. Not sure exactly how, but God did a lot in me while I was there. One of the first changes in me that my family noticed was a scent I brought home. My mom and little sisters continue to say "You smell like Mexico."

Pictures from my last futbol game

Pictures from our impromptu after-party 

 

Blessed be HIS name

Wednesday, November 14, 2012.

Lying in my bed, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep well the past 3 nights, and once again, I had to wipe tears from my eyes before I was even out of bed. Thoughts filled my mind as I laid there listening to my two missionary sisters in their deep sleep. This is really it. My last full day. The recital- oh so much to still prepare for it. All these faces that look at me and say, No te vayas. Don't go. I tell them I must go, but it is so, so hard. And my family, what are they doing? Are they ready for my return? How will my transition take place? Will they be the same family that I had left three months ago? I couldn't take all the rushing thoughts anymore, so I rose and began my day. I went down to the kitchen and began preparing for cooking paczkis (Polish doughnuts.) Mikayla and I had agreed to meet about 6:30 and make a couple batches of doughnuts for the Recital that evening. I had no idea what food Julie was going have, so Mikayla and I decided to double the recipe. Three hours later we had made over 80 doughnuts. As soon as we had finished we separated and went our own ways for the rest of the morning. Mikayla went to school, and I began to wander around aimlessly trying to keep my heart and mind under control.

At my house in Michigan, there is this old swing that hangs from a Walnut tree. It has been there since my oldest brother put it up when he was young. It is one of my favorite spots and anytime that I need to pray, or cry, or just be, that is where I go. Being in Mexico at the time, I didn't have that spot, but there was one very similar at the park. Down I went. The three green swings hung from a metal frame right next to a hill covered in purple, yellow, and white wild flowers. The sun was shinning, and I could feel its rays sinking into my skin. I sat and swung for a good while, just praying to God for the day, the recital, the way home, and my broken heart. I tried to hold the tears back, but how could I? I was about to leave the life I had just gotten to know, and the people, how was I too say goodbye? Then God reminded me of a song,

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

 Where Your streams of abundance flow

                   Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

\

  Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering 

Blessed be Your name

You give and take away

You give and take away

     My heart will choose to say

                                            Lord, blessed be Your name

There was nothing else to do than sing these words in a prayer to God. As memories of the past three months played through my mind, I was grateful for everything that God had given me. He was to be praised; for every laugh, tear, and moment. I still had a whole day to live there, so I stood up ready to continue on the path God had laid in front of me. One step at a time I will follow Him. And the next step was to walk up the hill to the house and finish what God had given me, I had a recital to direct. 

I had spent the rest of the morning folding programs and translating introductions into Spanish with Jorge. Geesh that was a task. But we completed just in time for lunch! As soon as lunch was over a group of us headed up to the school to begin setting up for the recital. 

Everyone was helping. It was so cool to see so many people in support of the recital.

Setting up the refreshments table

Using Christmas lights really made it look special!

 Everything was beautiful. All the children were dressed so nicely and our special visitors had arrived. I was so nervous and excited, it felt just like my first recital. But I was surrounded by my new family and loving friends, I knew that the evening was going to be one to remember. Enjoy the few pictures below!

It was truly the best recital of my life. All of the kids played wonderfully, and all the special artists did beautifully as well. I had ordered a personally engraved medal for each of them. They all loved them! The younger ones didn't take their's off all night, and about 6 of them had them on again the following day. It was so special to see their smiles as they received theirs at the end of the night. I miss these people greatly and pray to return someday. I will forever hold this day in my heart~ blessed be the name of the Lord.

Beautifully Painful

My "youth group" but they are so much more than that to me

Knowing that I am returning home in a short 12 days isn't something as simple as bittersweet. It's not just wanting to be here, and wanting to be home. It's not just having family here, and having family there. It goes so much deeper than this. Following God is hard. Bottom line. He never promised it would be easy, and the longer I follow him and the more I love him, the more I find this out.

My family :)

Back in August when I was raising money, packing my bags, and saying one hundred goodbyes, my heart hurt. Being sixteen and moving to Mexico, I was scared to death. Having to say goodbye one at a time to everyone I call my family, seeing the sadness in their eyes, it broke me. Not for my sake of leaving, but for everyone I was leaving behind. Knowing that God had called me to Mexico for the three months ahead, I was able to step on that airplane and fly 2000 miles away. It was beautifully painful.

My friends here- but we are more like sisters

While I have lived here, I have experienced everything from indescribable joy, to unspeakable sorrow. The times spent in grueling lessons, the aggravating times in English class, and the laughs in spontaneous games of water fights. The discouraging feelings of being wordless; having to watch others be joyous in conversation while sitting back and being silent. The ever so wonderful times of true friendship, movie nights, and the drive to church. The times sitting at the piano- new souls met, fingers danced, tears fell, laughs made, conversations conversed, frustrations played, and talents found. Every cry to God, every smile creased, and every step taken has been beautifully painful.

Now, looking at my last week and a half here is hard. I've known this whole time that it would have to come to an end- but I didn't think it would come this fast. I'm feeling the same thing that I felt in August, except this time, I don't know if I will ever be back here. Knowing I'll have to say goodbye very soon is scary, it hurts. At the same time though, I look forward to what God holds for me back at home. I look forward to being reunited with my family and friends. I look forward to school, and college, and beyond. It's not that I don't want to leave, I just don't want to say goodbye. It's beautifully painful.